Well, I'm an idiot.
First, I want to apologize to those that wasted brain power helping me diagnose the helicopter noise. I am very thankful of how this forum's familial underpinnings causes us to rally against the plight of those in trouble.
Second, I wanted to reward you with my stupidity. It was the driver side lug nuts. I must have overloaded the tire when I torqued them to spec. They were quite loose... Hence, the wheel bearing symptoms. Nope, not a wheel bearing...just my carelessness.
I put the tuffants back on. My original vibration is still there, but the helicopter sound has disappeared. I made sure this time to only allow the wheels to kiss the pavement, to prevent tire rotation, as i dutifully checked, rechecked, and triple checked the proper torquing of the lugnuts.
I am going to ignore the original vibration for now. The rabbit hole has been frustrating and I'm sure one of the original responses was correct: it's the tires. I will upgrade my terrain beasts for Ko2s on the next go-around.
Thank you again for all of the responses and patience with my frantic, self-imposed emergency lol.