Hey everyone I'm back... So as promised I tried smash my LR3 so I could report back to all of you. Great news! I lived through the test! Though I almost drown! Maybe first I should describe the 'test'...
I found a ******** woman in the store, waited for her in the parking lot and when I saw her I floored it. BANG the transmission snapped into action! Zoom I flew toward her great fat ass will abandon! Sadley, before I could hit her ( I thought her big ass would adequately replicating hitting a car about the size of a Camry ). I ran out of gas, no trouble I filled up (It was cheap only $61) and went back to find her again. I lost her for a bit but a quick check of the surrounding fast food joints turned her up (POI I'm hungry). There she was, I couldn't waste a second because I was almost out of gas again so I started after her. I stuck my head out the window Tom Cruise style and yelled, "I'm coming for you fat ass some guy on the net I've never met needs to know how this thing crashes" (She seemed comfused and hungry) Closer, closer ...she tried to run... "Waddle tubby", I screamed. Still closer THEN BONG BONG my air compressor went crazy, lowering the vehicle
I HAD to abandon the test...
While I waited for AAA it began to rain really hard, too hard for my leaky ass roof to withstand! I tried to get out but the truck filled up too fast, shorting out the crackly speaker which disabled the locks (The whole thing is fiber optic you know). Thankfully all of the chips in my soft-ass windshiled caused the glass to break and enough water spilled out that I was able to regain consciousness and escape!!!!! Good news, LR thinks they'll only have my truck in the shop for 11 months. I thought renting the loaner would break the bank... (AAA towed it to a dealer that I didn't buy from so they won't give me a loaner... ) but factoring in the money I'll save in gas I may come out of this a bit a head!
When I get that thing back I'll try again! But I had a bit of a change of heart... I can no longer condone hitting a fat woman. She didn't do anything to us ...so I'm going strap the truck to a plane and let the NAV fly us to Canada where I'll instruct the pilot to cut the straps and send me falling to Earth. Then we'll know how this bad boy holds up! Till then... xoxo
