OK - Here is where the list is at -
Trans Fault
Cruise Control Not Permitted
Check Brake Pads / Brakes
Engine System Fault
Low Coolant Level
Suspension Fault
Follow Me Home Lights On
Hood Open
HDC Fault System Unavailable
"Yo Mamma" still being chanted in there somewhere (Bells & Whistles)
"Your Car Is Tipping Over" Warning light
"Too Late, Your Car Tipped Over" Warning light
"You forgot your hot coffee" warning light (which I understand to be the self adjusting some-thing-to-break-headlights warning light.)
"Brakes" warning light (All brakes are new)
I fixed the "Hood Open" by splicing together the two wires running to the latch switch, so that is gone. In 40 years of driving, never needed a light to tell me my hood was open.
Today we are tackling the incessant Dings & Dongs, ("hopefully the "Yo Mamma" as well") as well as the "You Forgot your hot coffee" warning light.
So I read all over the internet on how to remove the Instrument cluster, and it actually is kind of easy. Lower the steering wheel all the way, two pieces on each side of the steering wheel pop off (because on a $70,000 you don’t want to use actual fasteners, remove the lower panel, again held on by friction, then remove the plastic shroud around the cluster. What you want to do is pull it back JUSSST to the point of it breaking? Then break it off. Because you assumed it was clip on fasteners like everything else.
Then there are two real fasteners that hold in the gauge cluster, and of course they are Torx, because “if you are buying a $90k vehicle, be sure to put all the easy stuff to get to with simple clips, and the stuff that is a ***** to reach with torx fasteners, because a 10mm socket is just “so 80s”
Nice thing is, take these two torx screws out (you will drop and lose them) and the cluster comes out very easy, one simple plug in the back. I bring it in the house to show my wife what I have found. She wimpers & goes upstairs.
I start taking this bad boy apart. All clips. *** ever happened to high quality fasteners? Everything falls apart on the table. I can’t get to the lights behind the demon warnings without removing the needles of the gauges. I’m 53 years old, and have never, once, EVER remover needles on gauges without breaking them. Ever. These fall off. In fact, they fall off so easily I don’t recall what position they were in. I’ll worry about that later.
I get to the LEDs. Try to burn them out. Not doing enough damage, so I just yank them out. Ask my kid to take a picture, I snip one out & it hits her in the eye. She goes upstairs & cries with her mother. I finish removing the Hot Coffee warning light and BRAKES warning light
Put the front needles back on, guess on stop points, turn it over & remove the evil buzzer/bell/dinger/clong of death unit.
Put this mess back in the truck (Note – Job is more fun when dark & below freezing)
Now I see, clear as day, that I missed two TORX fasteners (I could not see them in the day) Undo those, find the lost fasteners & snap it all back together. YAY!! Test drive to go get pizza.
THE GOOD – All warning lights I wanted out are out, death dinger has stopped, I can drive in quiet.
THE BAD – Speed / Tach are fine, Engine temp & fuel gauge I put needles on wrong. Dammit.
I also lost the click clack of the signals when you make a signal. I’ll make the noise myself.
And, for a few minutes, whenever I put on the turn signals, the high beams would go on, but that seems to have cleared itself up
Oh, and the gas cap was broken. $50 for a gas cap? Uh, no. Epoxy, baby
An hours worth of play. At some point have to take it all apart again & fix temp & gas needle, but we’ll get to it.
Time spent? 1 hour. Money spent? $0
